I don't need you to fix me
This week I had an appointment with my therapist. I've been seeing her for 23 years - yikes!! Some might think - what's wrong with you? Others might ask, what's her/his name, I need someone like that in my life. I would agree, everyone needs a good therapist in their life!! When I am working through something, I see her on a regular basis. When I am in a good place, I might see her once a quarter or less just to check in. It just depends what circumstances life is throwing my way and what I need to talk through, where I need a reality check or a voice of reason. So about a week ago, Jeff said "when are you seeing your therapist next?" And I said "next Tuesday" and he said " I'd like to come with you". SOUND THE ALARM BELLS!
So I get to the appointment before Jeff and I tell her that Jeff is coming and she said "I didn't know both of you were coming" and I said "neither did I". So Jeff gets there and my therapist and I both look at Jeff and say...."why are you here?" And Jeff said "I want to know how I can help Molly with all that she is going through". You see, I've been going through some things and I haven't been quite myself and to be honest I've been pushing him away. Not in a bad way, but when I am working through something sometimes I close myself off and just go quiet until I can figure it out. And he was looking for guidance on how to best support me through this time. Which to his credit is a very sweet and loving thing to do. But we did go round and round on what I needed, what he thought I needed and then my therapist said "look Jeff, let me show you something and I think you will get what Molly needs". So she grabbed her laptop and showed us this quick video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg Jeff and I watched it (many of you might have seen it already) I was nodding, we were both laughing and when it was over, Jeff said "I got it" and I looked at him and said "really?" and he said "yep". My point to him has been - look sometimes my day might just suck. And I don't need you to fix it, just acknowledge that it sucks and sit in the suckiness of it with me. I'll come out of it, but sometimes in the moment, don't try to make it better, just let me be and let me figure it out. Give me a moment and don't try to fix me!
Am I right? This is the true reality of male versus female conversations.