Marriage realities part 2
Recently I wrote a post called Marriage Realities talking about how Jeff and I came to be as a couple. He read the post and asked if he could give me some feedback. I don’t usually like feedback or the word "feedback" because it just gives me a feeling that I am at work and something not so great about myself is coming that I need to fix or work on. I prefer the statement - "would you like my opinion?" It doesn't carry the same sting. Anyway, I took a deep breath waiting for his "feedback" and he said "no where in the post did you mention the word love. "Love?" CRAP! Well it wasn’t really about love specifically I said, I thought it was implide in talking about our journey. Apparently to Jeff is wasn’t. Whoops! He said our journey has everything to do with love.
So while I was busy writing and making my point, I clearly missed communicating the obvious - our love for one another. Ok, I'll admit it. Good feedback, thank you honey! So now you know the difference between me and Jeff. He’s sweet, loving and affectionate and I’m more to the point, a doer and a check it's done kinda person!. I’m always thinking about what needs to get done. He takes time to enjoy the moments and breathe them in. I will occasionally stop to enjoy moments but my brain is going “what’s else needs to get done today, tomorrow, next week?" I constantly have a checklist working on autopilot. He will be hugging me being all sweet and I will be hugging him back but looking at the book shelf thinking the picture frame needs to be moved! What is wrong with me? I’m not good at just being in the moment except for when I’m reading a book or taking a nap. I am really good at being in the moment for those things!!
So back to LOVE. It's a small word with BIG meaning. It’s a word that can be thrown around loosely and be easily said without putting your heart into it. I actually have it tattooed on the inside of my wrist. I did that on our 10th anniversary. So just to set the record straight. Yes, I love Jeff. Jeff is literally all heart. He’s 100% all about love. He’s seen me at my best and my worst and he tells me almost daily “I'm still crazy ass in love with you”. And YES I know that I am a lucky girl to hear that. We both always say “thank God for second chances.”
But the word "LOVE" doesn’t come easy to me. I wasn’t raised on those three words. I was raised in a loving household that showed love, we just didn’t really say it that often to each other. My best friend from the 3rd grade was definitely raised on those words. I remember her family constantly saying it to each other. They would say it every time they were on the phone or leaving each other or when going to bed. I’d spend the night with her and was like what’s up with these people? It did however give me insight into something I didn’t really have but never really felt I was missing until later in life. It wasn’t until I got older and my parents moved away when I was in high school that the words carried more meaning. Every time I talked to them on the phone and we were about to hang up, we would say "I love you." It felt kinda foreign at first but beyond wanting my parents to know that I missed them, I also wanted them to know how much I loved them too. Now it's just second nature when I see and talk to my family thankfully. And I can’t imagine not saying it ten times a day to Jeff and Sophie. It’s just how we are. I even say it to Georgia when I leave each day "love you Georgie". But I also think it’s a generational thing. I don’t think my parents and their parents were raised on expressing those three words, especially not men. Now if you hear a man tell his son or daughter openly in public that he loves them, you don’t think twice. It’s just the way it is now and frankly it’s really nice to see and hear.
But as far as me and the word "love" goes, I think I am more guarded about love and when I show it or say it. I’m sure there is some logical reason my therapist would give me as to why I am like this. Another question for her the next time I see her!
Thankfully Jeff opened my heart to a second chance at love and showed me what was possible when you really loved someone with your whole heart ❤️. And while I might give him crap, I do appreciate that we have the kind of relationship where we can give each other honest feedback and remind ourselves the importance of love! At the end of the day there is always going to be the "To Do" list. I don't think that list can even be completed, can it? But what I can start doing is make more time for LOVE and sit with LOVE and show LOVE versus worrying about the things that aren't done and out of my control. Or at least I am going to try . . . .